He had no idea who I was, and honestly, I had no idea who I was talking to, and that was perhaps why it worked so well.
I know what you’re thinking – what a horrible name (Mr OozySpot). Of course, this wasn’t he real on line name, I’ve changed that to protect him in all of this. But the name I’ve come up with, does relent a similarity in the user name he picked. You see, his user name, was pretty repulsive. Which is a bit of a strange thing to do, when you’re trying to attract someone to have sexy fun with you.
He told me he picked the most repulsive name you could imagine, because that way, the person who responded to him, was not just surface level about such things.
There was confidence in our anonymity. I could be anyone I wanted to be, and realistically, so could he.
I invented a persona for myself, mostly because it was fun to present to be someone else, and I didn’t want to reveal anything about my real life to a stranger, I just wanted to feel wanted. I could do that without them knowing my real name. I had a family, a high level job, and I had things to protect. I didn’t share pictures of my face, I didn’t share anything about my location, and I used a chat platform that removed any metadata from photos. I was smart.
I became a nurse
In my fantasy world with Oozy, I was a nurse that worked on the trauma ward. Good god I told some big fat fucking lies about my life.
I made sure that I knew enough to tell the stories, and back it up with fact.
As far as he knew, I was single. I lived in a terraced house in London, and I worked at a hospital. I worked shifts, I had friends that I socialised with, I had fuck buddies that wanted me. As far as he knew, I was just looking for some fun friends to talk to in the crazy covid times.
I made my fantasy self into this attractive, moderately successful woman who had the world at her feet.
I described my appearance and gave details about my hair and eye colour, my body shape, my height. All very similar to the real me, but Interestingly, a younger more fun version of me.
Maybe, in some way, it was the life that I wanted. It’s not the life I fantasise about now, but back then (around 5 years ago) it felt like a life that I could have lived, if I had made some different choices about the direction of my career and marriage.
Who was Oozy?
I knew very limited things about him. I knew he lived on the east cost of America, that he was in his early 50’s, that he worked in some sort of tech related business, and he was unhappy with his situation at home.
He told me that he was frustrated with is wife for the lack of intimacy in their relationship. He blamed her for it. He didn’t feel wanted. So, he was looking for an affair to fill the gaps.
He was married, they had kids, and a cat, and I had no way of knowing if any of this was true. Hell, he may have created a persona like I had. But I was ok with that. After all, I was doing the same thing.
I didn’t realise at the time, but I have since learnt that what I was doing, was called “gaslighting”. I had no idea that this was a thing, let a lone a thing that had a “term” associated with it.
But since then, I have learnt that there are different forms of gaslighting. I fell into the manipulation of reality aspect. The other aspects can include outright lying (I was doing elements of that), scapegoating, and coercion.
To be clear, I wasn’t trying to manipulate someone, or coerce them into meeting me under false pretences. I had no intention of meeting him, and that was never something that came up. I was however, manipulating reality to protect my identity, to create a safe place to explore some of the trauma I had been through in earlier in life. I felt like I couldn’t be honest about who I really was. But when I was playing the nurse, it felt almost too easy to be this fun and sexual creature. Of course, it was me and my clever wit that he fell in love with, it was me and my rocking sexy body, it was me and my advice and care. The thing is, even though I wasn’t being truthful, he fell in love with the person I really am. There were overlaps with my life and the nurses; just normal live things that were real. But there were also things which cropped up that he supported me through. Moments where he listened to me cry and moments where he laughed along with me.
However you look at it, we were both getting something out of the situation. I’m sure you’d love to know some of the sexy things we got up to… I guess I’ll never kiss and tell…. but there were certainly some new experiences that broadened by horizons.
Is that really me?
I suppose looking back, the fact that I could create this alternative persona, must have meant that I was that person in some senses.
I felt guilty about lying to him though, especially when I got to know him better. There were times when I did consider telling him the truth and being honest about my situation. But, I figured that would be rather detrimental to my on line safety on many levels. I mean, this guy could have been an axe murder. I honestly had no idea.
He was very cautious about his identity too, and for the most part, he had top notch opsec (operational security, that’s a big subject for another day). Although, after we had chatted for a while, I did find out his true identity. But I’ll never reveal it. Theres an honour amongst affair thieves.
I started to find myself entering into a whole fantasy world with him, building up the character, building a connection with him, and really getting to know him. He told me things about his life that were intimate and private, and I told him a version of the truth about my life. For a while, it was the most exciting and addicting experience of my life.
This person, this nurse I created, her life and her daily experiences… she could tell stories about my past to him, in a way that I had never been able to unpack before.
I felt like somehow, I was healing. Just by talking to this person and telling them about my experiences and traumas. It was like free therapy, and he seemed to care. And my husband was fully aware of all of it. You see, he could read the chats that I was having and I was completely open with him about all of it.
I suppose that was the start of our open relationship.
Things progressed with Oozy, eventually I shared intimate pictures with him, no face pics though, and he would share some with me (usually his dick). You can imagine the sort of exchanges we had – there was lots of sexual build up, flirting and intimate conversations. He would tell me stories about his sexual experiences, which would arouse me and turn me on.
My husband would read our flirty chats, and we would talk about them, and dissect them in great detail. He would guide me and explain some of the sexual phrases Oozy used, and send me off to the internet to do research about what anal sex was all about, what butt plugs were, and what that might feel like….
In a lot of ways, I have Mr Ooozy to thank for saving my marriage. He gave me a space to find my sexual flare and kinky side. I’ll admit, looking back, what I was doing was completely dishonest and morally questionable. I’d like to be clear that I’m not doing that now, I’m still having an affair though, but this time, I’m honest about the real me. I can see now that all the lying and fakery was a cruel thing.
In other affairs I’ve had since Mr Oozy, I was able to connect differently to people, and even build relationships that I still have today. One relationship in particular is still going strong, and is now more than an on line affair.
I like being in an affair
My personal experience of on line affairs has been largely positive. Having a place to talk to someone freely about anything I wanted, was super therapeutic for me. I also had time, during lockdowns, to talk to my husband about many aspects of my past that held me back in so many ways.
Thats not to say it was all smooth sailing, there was challenges and loss along the way. I thought that one day, I would write a book about the experiences that my on line persona had had, but I haven’t done that yet. Instead, I thought I’d write this blog, and share with you all some of the journeys I’d had in the land of affairs.
Should I have an affair?
Life is short. Please make sure you eat the delicious food, and fuck the hell out of someone that drives you wild.
However, I do want to be clear, I don’t advocate having a secret affair, but I do advocate living and loving. Having an open relationship is now our way, and we are so fucking happy its ridiculous. But that may not be yours, and that’s perfectly ok. What ever journey you decide to go on, it should be one that makes you happy and feel wonderful.
Some of the content of this blog may be seen as a bit of guide into the land of affairs, and some of the pit falls you can avoid along the way. I’ll also be talking about some of the frustrations and low points I’ve experienced too. If you’ve been in the world of affairs before, you’ll know how some of the highs can feel, as well as the rollercoaster lows as well.
I can only share what I have learnt along my journey, and how it has changed my life, mostly for the better. I hope its of some value to you along which ever journey you are on 🙂